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How To Handle Difficult Relationships

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

…Mark Twain

I have this co-worker who I really can’t stand. She is a sympathy seeker, plays up to the men, and worst of all she’s a bully to everyone else.  I am always cordial to her because I’m aware that she could turn on a dime and make me her next victim.

Needless to say, her total lack of emotional intelligence stresses me out! Whenever she walks into a room it make my blood boil and up goes the blood pressure. I tell you, it’s an emotionally exhausting relationship.

I knew I couldn’t go on like this but I felt conflicted about what to do. She was clearly unaware of how her behavior was making me feel. I felt it wasn’t right to be angry unless I decided to be honest. And, soon enough the opportunity presented itself.

She waltzed over to me one day with the intent to bully. She tried her best. She really did. She had demanded me to give her back something I had borrowed from her department and was currently using. She needed it NOW. Much to my surprise, the conversation went surprisingly well. She pushed for a bit. She pushed hard, in fact. But, I was really honest with her and she quickly understood where I was coming from.

Since then, things have been a lot better. Yet, I still tense up whenever she comes near me or, before she even opens her mouth. I had already written her off in my mind as someone to stay away from. But, I had also told myself to forgive her and start fresh. The truth was…I was unsure what to do next. I couldn’t seem to forgive her and move on.

Everyone deserves a second chance right?

As it happens a lot in life…those moments of coincidence…the same time this nuisance in my life occurred, I had been reading a book and there was a chapter on resentment. BOOM! There it was in black and white. “Holding a grievance or grudge separates people from themselves and separates them from truth and joy.” It went on to say that in reality, not forgiving others means that self-forgiveness and self-acceptance are absent.

My analytical, logical self could forgive this woman. That’s what I had already done. Emotional forgiveness though, takes forgiving a step further.  This book was telling me that what I needed to do was to replace the low-energy thoughts, low-energy words, and low-energy emotions I had with regard to this woman with high-energy thoughts, words, and emotions. I realized very quickly that this is what I was missing.

I had started out thinking about only my own thoughts and feelings regarding my co-worker, which is natural. Then I made the decision to forgive her and move on, but that’s where I got stuck. So, now my goal is to relate to and have insight regarding her, and replace those low-energy, negative thoughts with positive, high-energy ones.

And, even in writing this, already my whole opinion of her has softened. Perhaps she’s a lonely soul and playing the sympathy card is her way of attracting attention? Maybe her bullying other people makes her feel, for a moment, in control, and not so vulnerable to her fears? Both of those are where my good wishes could go out and do some good work.

Now my tough work of actively practicing it begins because…everybody deserves a second chance.

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The Extrovert – Diary of A World That Can’t Stop Talking

 

Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it again.”

…Anais Nin

We’ve all grown up in this western cultural mindset that told us it’s great to be bold, to be sociable (think about Social Media). Extroverts love to get out there and meet new people, crank up the stereo, race to the finish line, tackle assignments quickly. Which means we’ve lost sight of who we really are.

But, did you know that one third to one half of our population are introverts?…in other words, one out of every two or three people you know.

That was astonishing to me! Could I actually be an introvert?!! So I did some research. And here’s a very interesting story that exemplifies how our North American culture evolved into the rise of the Extrovert Ideal…

The date: 1902. The place: Harmony Church, Missouri, a tiny dot-on-the-map, village in small-town U.S.A. Our leading character: a good-natured but insecure teenage boy named Dale.

Skinny, fretful, unathletic, Dale was the son of a morally upright but constantly bankrupt pig farmer. He loves and respects his parents but is horrified that he might end up like them. Dale worries about other things too. Thunder and lightening, having a date for his high school prom, and being tongue-tied at crucial moments.

Well, one day a very captivating speaker comes to town. You know the kind…with the ability to mesmerize an audience. And, he fascinates young Dale with his rag-to-riches story. How he went from a lowly farm boy with a bleak future, to how he developed a charismatic speaking style and took to the stage. Dale hangs on every word he says.

A few years go by and Dale is again impressed by the value of public speaking. He is now in college and he observes that the students who win the campus speaking contests are viewed as leaders, and he is determined to be one of them. He signs up for every contest. He practices every night at home. Again and again he loses.

Eventually though his efforts begin to pay off. He transforms himself into a speaking champion and campus hero. By the time he leaves college, students are seeking him out for help in speaking, and corporate America is booming. J.C. Penney, Sears Roebuck, Woolworth are all household names.

Well, this new economy called for a new kind of man…a salesman, a social operator who had a ready smile, a great handshake. You know the kind. So, Dale joins the ranks of those salesmen, heading out on the road.

Dale’s last name as you may have guessed by now is Carnegie. The rest is history. His book “How To Win Friends and Influence People” was one of the first best-selling, self-help books ever published. His story is also the rise of our cultural evolution that reached a tipping point around the turn of the twentieth century.

So, here’s what happened. We shifted our focus from inner goodness and integrity to outer seductiveness, magnetism, and charm. We went from a Culture of Character, to a Culture of Personality. And, we opened up a Pandora’s box of personal stress and anxiety from which we have not yet recovered.

And, it’s bizarre given the fact that most of us are actually introverts, who have learned how to adopt extroverted behaviors in order to succeed. But, at what a cost!! We have now reached epidemic levels in depression, and mental health issues. 

The solution is simple. But, most people have dismissed it with a wave of their hand and then carried on with their very busy lives.

What we ALL really need to do is to learn how to get still once again. We need to embrace the silence that is within us.  For it is there that we will receive great wisdom. Look at it as a sanctuary for our busy selves…a time when we can just “be” without having to impress anyone else. And, it’s very, very important that we discover this sacredness again.

It truly is an inside job. A training of sorts where the payoff won’t be in lining the pockets of those who are already “fat” from profits, but rather, a return to the riches of our own soul.

That, my friends, is priceless.

 

 

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The Wisdom of Our Heart

“You can talk with someone for years every day, and still it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known that person forever…Connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.”
~ C. Joybell

 I was at an event this past week. I didn’t know a single person except one ~ who I met quite by accident when I walked in the door.

The host of this particular event was Native American. A beautiful soul who shared with us by way of introduction a bit of the culture he grew up in.

For instance, I learned that in their culture, they believe that everything you do in your time here on earth affects seven generations after you.  He impacted me. Somehow it made sense…I don’t know why, but it did.  And, it resonated on a level deep within my heart.

Unfortunately, the rest of the evening was a disappointment because we had been led to believe the evening was going to be a gathering of like-minded people from all walks of life when, in reality it was about an old belief paradigm ~ money.

Thinking that money will somehow make one happy really isn’t thinking at all. But sadly, that was the message we were getting.

You might not believe how many people think that just because they don’t have much of it now, its lack of it is at the root of all their problems…which is never the case.

If the host had only known that he had made more of a connection with us by sharing in a real way than the other man did by trying to convince us to invest in him, perhaps our host would have seen the power of his own heart.

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How To Grand Slam Your Destiny In One Word…And It’s Not What You Think

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“It’s impossible,” said Pride…”It’s risky,” said Experience…”It’s pointless,” said Reason…”Give it a try.” whispered the Heart.”

…Unknown

Sometimes life hurls a curve ball at us. Sometimes life lobs us a sucker punch. No one is immune. We all get ’em at some point in our life.

It’s at those moments when we are driven to our knees by an overwhelming conviction that there is no where else to go...well, it’s at those moments when, for some, a light bulb goes off. A decision is made.

Just a single nano moment in time when, for some, they find deep within themselves, something to live for. Some meaning that they put at the centre of their lives where even the worst kind of suffering becomes bearable.

What is it that they discover? What is it that sets off this inner drive that NO ONE can puncture?

Push everything aside for a few moments and check this one out…

You won’t find the depth of this process at the beginning of your journey. It seldom happens. For, when we set out on this quest no matter how challenging or unnerving it may seem, is there anything easier than the beginning?

No, it’s when you feel like you’ve “struck out,” when you’re not sure you can continue…when it seems like it’s time to leave this madness behind…It’s then that someone comes along, or, something happens…it’s usually something that appears very strange…a coincident, a dream, your imagination…and you just have a knowing that you should continue.

This process can be summed up in one word:  PASSION.

As pursued by a wordsmith who spent his life studying where words came from and their true meaning, this word “passion” first surfaced in the twelfth century and, coined by Christian scholars, it means to suffer. In the purest sense, it describes the willing suffering of Christ.

Passion doesn’t mean suffering for suffering’s sake though. It must be pure and willing suffering. And, there is a link between suffering, or passion, and sacrifice. The word “sacrifice” comes from the Latin word ‘sacra’ which means sacred , and  ‘fice,’ which means to perform. To sacrifice is to perform the sacred.

So, at its very core, “passion” is sacred suffering. The good news is that suffering is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s life defining. It’s noble.

And, the real meaning of the word “passion” is being willing to suffer for what you love. For, when we discover what we are willing to pay a price for…it is then that we discover our life’s mission and true purpose here in this world we live in.

Instead of letting outside influences determine the direction of your life….why not “grand slam” your own destiny?

“Give it a try.” whispers your Heart…

And to give you a bit of inspiration…worthwhile watching…

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3 Easy Steps To Unlock Your Quantum Power

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“They say don’t burn bridges you may have to cross later. I say I don’t mind swimming if the bridge was fucked to begin with.”
…Sonya Teclai

Something happened this week. I was tested to the max. By a lot of people. Some, who weren’t even aware they were testing me. Some of course, who were.

To say I felt confused, is an understatement. They were challenging what I stood for. Ridiculing my passion. Imposing their conditioned, limited thinking onto my life

It made me stop. It made me look. I really listened to what they were  saying. I really questioned the beliefs I had carefully nurtured in my new- found self.

And I almost fell for it until I did these 3 simple steps…and you can do this too!

1.  Emotions

Sit with your emotions. That’s right. Be an observer of what you are feeling. Almost as if you were a third person sitting on your shoulder beholding, discerning your feelings. Don’t give in to those feelings and let them take over, but simply watch them. Very quickly, because you have not been drawn in by your feelings, they start to dissipate. And fade away leaving you with nothing but the truth of the matter. Your truth.

2. Visualization

This is a simple way of changing your perspective or to make your problems seem very, very small. Just observe yourself where you are at that moment and then change your perspective by doing this:

Close your eyes. See yourself sitting or lying there…then simply begin to widen your perspective. See yourself bigger that the chair you’re sitting in. See yourself bigger than the room you’re being contained in.

Now take your camera outside the house. You can see the window of the room you’re sitting in. You can see the tree in front of the house. You can see the driveway of the next door neighbor. Wider now. You can see the house in relation to the whole street. You can see the neighbor’s place, the mall down the street, the traffic lights at the entrance to that plaza.

Much higher now. The street is a simple line passing through a suburb. There’s the highway to the left, another suburb to the right.

Now the city is just a sea of twinkling lights.

Now see everything from an astronaut’s perspective. Down there in the cloud haze is a swirl of brown and green which is the continent you live on. The Earth is just a globe. A shining, gleaming planet rotating serenely in space.

The Earth is just a light in the heavens…a speck in our galaxy.

Now. Look at your problems from here. They are really so irrelevant, they hardly exist.

3. Negative Messages

We all send negative messages to ourselves everyday. Things like “I’m not good enough.” Here’s a simple exercise you can do.

Take a sheet of paper and make a list of all the things people said were wrong with you. Your parents, your siblings, your aunts and uncles, your friends. What did they say about money? What did they say about love and relationships? What did they say about your body? Then look at that list and say to yourself, “So, that’s where those beliefs came from.”

Write them all down. These are the thoughts that need to be erased from your consciousness because they are what are making you feel “not good enough.” They are NOT who YOU are! Whatever the problem is it comes from a thought pattern, and patterns can be changed.

So, I say this. Swim if you have to. Some of those bridges are worth burning if it gets you closer to recognizing the magnificence and divinity within you. No matter what they think.  You are not another cookie cutter individual. You are unique. You are a gift to this world.

Stand Tall. Burn those bridges. Swim for your life.

 

 

 

 

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What Really Happens When You Follow Your Heart

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“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
…Steve Jobs

It takes courage to follow your heart because the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit. You become entrenched in unfamiliar territory. Some of the people you once considered friends slowly start to disappear. And, it can seem scary.

But, here’s what’s really happening…

You are beginning to become a little bit more explicit with your moral code. You are seeing that those subtleties of human decency, character, integrity…well, they are what really matters. In your heart you know that’s what’s always gonna matter.

For, when you combine the science of being able to read deception with the art of seeing and listening with your heart, you exempt yourself from participating in a lie. It’ like you are saying to everyone, Hey, my world, our world, it’s an honest one.  It is one where Truth is strengthened and deception is recognized for what it is and shut out.”

And, when you do that, the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit…and that’s the Truth.

As Steve Jobs said…and after all he knew what he was talking about, “Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Go on now. Get out there. Do what you know you can do. You are sooo acing this life!

 

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A Heartwarming Tale Of Good Business: How 5 Minutes Grew My Heart Three Sizes That Day

Ugh. Tires. I had to get ’em. From my point of view, there is nothing sexy about tires! But, I needed them. Desperately. Steel was beginning to show through my radials. A number of people were telling me this.

And, so it was with tires in mind, on that bleak, blustery, dreary day at the end of November that I walked into a Tire Centre only to have my life forever changed by the experience!

I haggled with the owner about what kind of tires I needed. I was adamant that I wanted this certain kind of tire. He was recommending another. I listened to his suggestions and we struck a deal. After all, he was the expert on tires. And, then I sat down to wait… and wait… and wait.

After an indeterminable length of time (it seemed like hours), I was told that my car was ready. It was at that point where the story got really interesting…

I went over to the counter to get the “damage statement”. It was then that I was told, by the owner, that there would be no charge. What??!! NO CHARGE! Were my ears deceiving me?!!

I asked, “Pardon?” somewhat incredulously. My guess was he was trying to keep it on the low. The place was crawling with people waiting for their cars to be finished. Frustrated that I needed to be told again, he stated impatiently “Will this help you?” I emphatically replied “Why, yes!”

It was then he said these words: “Well, then. Merry Christmas.”

He sent me on my way. Stunned, I turned and very cautiously walked out the door. I could have heard a pin drop. It was as if everything in my world had become suddenly hushed and reduced to slow motion. It was a very surreal experience for me. I can still remember it as if it happened yesterday.

I crept back to my car, scared witless that my bubble would burst and I would awaken to this being an insane dream. I put the keys in the ignition, backed the car out of that Tire Centre afraid to disturb or interrupt this beautiful moment, and I began to drive down the street. It was only when I had gone 200 yards, that my senses began to return, a rush of blood flooded into my head, and I started adding up what just happened. I mean, literally added everything up!

Something that I should have been charged over $1,200.00, cost me nothing! I burst into tears.

Who, in this day and age would do something as astounding as that??!!! Who was this guy? Some kind of Earth Angel?

My life had already become topsy-turvy. This random act of kindness just spun it out of control.

And then it dawned on me. The path I had recently chosen to take, the journey that I was now embarking on… that of inspiring others to do the things that inspire them, well, this was a very obvious affirmation to me that I was on the right path. I got it! I really, really got it! Those tires I received actually eased the bumpy road I was travelling on.

When you change the focus from getting to giving… putting other peoples’ interests first and truly adding value to their lives, well that leads to unexpected returns.

That kind man received more business through his generosity to me than thousands of marketing dollars could ever have hoped to achieve. It brings new meaning to the old proverb “Give and you shall receive.”

 

5 Secrets That Successful People Do Every Day

At this juncture in history, it is getting harder and harder to find people in positions of authority who inspire us. With so much bad news everywhere… politics, global economy, and health scares, people are drowning in a quicksand of stress. Why not start and point yourself in the right direction to climb out of the mire.

Wanna know how? Here are 5 Simple Steps that successful people do everyday that will help you to get going.

1. Start by changing the way you see the world.

Believe you live in a friendly Universe. And, then start by working harder on yourself than you do on your job. Yes, that’s right. Make yourself more valuable to the marketplace by learning and growing every day… and your life will grow in leaps and bounds.

2. Gratitude

When you are thankful for what you have, well, those things appreciate in value. When you start off each day being grateful for the blessings in your life, your life will bring you a greater sense of happiness. For it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but rather, gratefulness that makes us happy. Be grateful. Small things matter.

3. Practice Random Acts of Kindness

Kind people rock! Performing an act of kindness actually releases serotonin in your brain. Serotonin has massive health benefits, including making you feel more blissful. It’s a quietly powerful way to feel good inside. What’s even cooler? Not only does it make you feel great, but, any bystander who happens to see that act of kindness, gets a kick of serotonin released in their brain as well just by watching what’s going on. Kindness is contagious so… Pass It On.

4. Give.

Yup. That’s right. Give a smile to a stranger you meet on the street, or, give your child the attention they deserve and they crave. Give in to being right, and give to be happy. You see, most people are nowhere nearly as successful as they wish they were. The fourth secret to success is… giving.

5. Do No Be Afraid to Show Your Vulnerability

Move over greed! Get outta here domination and discrimination! Your power is all dried up. The new power, the one that has the potential to steer the world in the right direction, is vulnerability. There is nothing more powerful than demonstrating to people you are susceptible to a physical or emotional attack or harm. It’s actually what draws people to you. Why? Because you are exposing your truest self to the world. You are showing people your so-called imperfections are not a source of shame but, rather are what connects all of humanity.

 

Really. Is There Any Hope? What’s Your Contribution?

“If you don’t build your dreams, someone will hire you to build theirs.”

We all have the ability to live inspired lives but we have suppressed our dreams for so long that we don’t know where to begin to find out how or where to ignite them again.

It reminds me of a great story… a Hindi legend.

One time all men on earth were gods, but men so sinned and abused the Divine so much that Brahma, the god of all gods, decided that the godhead should be taken away from man and hidden some place where he would never again find it to abuse it.

“We will bury it deep in the earth”, said the other gods. “No”, said Brahma, “because man will dig down in the earth and find it.”

“Then we will sink it in the deepest ocean”, they said. “No,” said Brahma, because man will learn to dive and find it there, too.”

“We will hide it on the highest mountain,” they said. “No,” said Brahma, “because man will some day climb every mountain on the earth and again capture the godhead.”

“Then we do not know where to hide it where he cannot find it,” said the lesser gods.

“I will tell you”, said Brahma. “Hide it down in man himself. He will never think to look there.”

And that is what they did. Hidden down in every man is the Divine. Ever since then he has gone over the earth digging, diving, climbing, looking for that godlike quality which all the time is hidden down within himself.

Wow! For some reason, this story hit me hard! In a nutshell, it’s where we all need to go, but unfortunately 99% of us look everywhere BUT. That’s the answer right there. That is where you must go to ignite your dreams again! To make them a reality.

There is hope!

Hidden within yourself is a treasure chest full… Pearls of wisdom that are unique to you and, only you can access them. It is there that you need to own the treasures of your soul. Put them to good use. In the interest of humanity.

You see, you have a role to play in the awakening and healing of this planet. You are alive right now at this super critical turning point in history for a reason.

With jobs being cut, and people being downsized there has begun a movement to create something new. And better. People everywhere are really stretching themselves to produce something meaningful for humanity. And, there is a wonderful shift occurring in the hearts and minds of the people on this planet. There can be nothing finer than to utilize a business to create a positive change in the world.

As we move into this Age of Consciousness, the gifts that we’ve developed as children ie. computers, technology, agriculture, are the gifts we now need to apply to our true purpose. With care. Consciously. To feed our souls. For the betterment of all.

Why?

Because, a creative, sacred economy is the fuel of brilliance.

How Can You Contribute?

Well… if you know you’ve received a gift, the natural response is gratitude. Let’s start with that.

To give gifts, you need community. And, you can’t have community as an add-on to a material life. You actually have to need each other.

We are all in this together. We are all connected. Materialism is dead. Consciousness is the root of everything and our interconnectedness is more apparent than ever.

Humanity is awakening at an ever-increasing speed and your gift is needed now more than ever before! Remember “energy flows where attention goes.”

You may know this truth in your heart. And, remember this truth that was born in you upon your arrival into this world is quietly sitting there waiting for you because…
“If you do not go within, you shall surely go without.”